I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
