her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
