i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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