I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
