Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
