She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
