Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
