Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
