He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
