I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
