Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
