Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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