How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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