1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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