they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
