You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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