Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
