She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
