at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
sex in a hospital.. check
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
