tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
