dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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