when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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