i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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