Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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