we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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