the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
