I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
