when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
