Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
