you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I will be naked everywhere
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
