hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
