im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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