we have officially lost it.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
