Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
