I want to walk on stilts...naked
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
