you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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