Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
