we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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