so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
