It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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