When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
