I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
