alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Boobs are out for the taking
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
