Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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