Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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