very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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