dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Watching her eat just hurts me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
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