Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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