I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
