I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
