Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
