Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
