A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So much Jack, so little girl.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
