I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
