i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
