I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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