so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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