I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
