please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
