She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize