somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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