Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
