coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
