he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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