Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
